Profound Sacred Equality

I'm shaving my head. Here's why.

Photo by A J. on Unsplash

“I am no longer accepting the things I cannot change. I am changing the things I cannot accept.”

~Attributed to Angela Davis (though for the life of me I cannot find the source)

Anyone who knows me will tell you I like to talk about the root of things.

Shower drain not working?

Maybe I need to examine my hygiene habits and brush my hair more often. Also, am I buying products with chemicals and ingredients that build up in the drain? While I’m at it, how are those products affecting the health of our Planet?

Teenager moody and angry?

What’s it like to be a teen in today’s society? Have I been honoring her journey or just expecting her to fall in line and buck up?

Lots of unhoused people living in our city park?

How are we, as a society, continually failing the vulnerable among us, and what can I do to remedy this, realistically?

And so, when I look at the headlines these days, especially those about the Epstein files, the war on Iran, and all the ICE deportations and disappearances, I wonder about the root, and how it’s all connected.

Recently I was listening to a couple episodes¹ of We Can Do Hard Things focusing on Jeffrey Epstein. As I did, I became angrier and angrier.

HOW COULD WE LET THIS HAPPEN? WHAT IN THE ACTUAL &$^#*#!

But the more I thought about it, the more I realized:

Of COURSE this is what happens. When we live in a society where women and girls are valued less than men and boys,² it makes tragically perfect sense that the wealthy and powerful among us should behave in such horrendously unspeakable ways. Because if you add misogyny to a mix of power and greed, this is the most natural result.

But it’s not just billionaires, and it’s not just “elsewhere.”

The shocking case of Gisèle Pelicot should make this abundantly clear. If you’re not familiar with her story, I’ll summarize. Giséle’s husband made a habit of selling her drugged, unconscious body for sex to more men than you will believe (I’ve read anywhere between 50-70). While he watched, filming and photographing the ordeal.

It’s vital to note that Giséle’s husband (who I am not naming because I do not wish to perpetuate his fame in any way) was neither wealthy nor particularly powerful, nor were the men who bought the ticket to rape her. They were all ordinary men from an ordinary place holding ordinary jobs living ordinary lives. And yet dozens and dozens of men (nurses, firefighters, soldiers, neighbors) were willing to rape when they thought they would get away with it. They might have, had Giséle’s husband not been caught in a separate act of sexual assault, whereupon authorities viewed his digital mementos of his wife’s abuse.

Oh, and these “customers” found the invitation to rape Giséle in a private “How to rape and get away with it” chat room WITH OVER 70,000 PARTICIPANTS.

You read that right. Over 70,000 average, ordinary, unseemly people looking for advice on how to rape.

What does this have to do with Epstein?

Everything.

Because as the statistics continue to remind us, one in three-to-five women is sexually assaulted at least once in her life. This is entirely searchable data. And yet, for the life of me, I cannot find any solid statistic that tells HOW MANY MEN sexually assault women.³

That should make us all wonder.

Now, many excellent articles exist expounding upon what I’m getting at, and I don’t wish to reinvent the wheel here. I’ll point you to Celeste Davis’ and Meggan Watterson’ recent work⁴ on the topic and beg you to keep reading.

Let me tell you what this has to do with shaving my head.

Photo by Helen Barth on Unsplash

As I was listening to the podcasts, I had an epiphany:

Misogyny is everywhere. It’s like a cancer. We all have some of it internalized, and we all have to reckon with it.⁵

I sure have. When I was in my 20’s, and my marriage was in trouble, I looked for male counselors to help us heal. I was certain a woman would be too “emotional” and “soft,” and also that my husband wouldn’t respect a woman as much as a man.

Later, when Mary Magdalene Revealed rocked my world and opened up a whole new awareness for me, I began to wonder:

How many books on my shelf were written by white men?

How many movies have I watched that are directed, produced, written, or starring women of color?

How many poems, songs, verses do I know by heart written by BIPOC women?

Suddenly, I realized I had a long way to go before I could say my thinking about women represents the “profound, sacred equality”⁶ Andrew Harvey talks about.

I mean, as my own Teacher famously said, if I want to talk about the issues I see in the world, I had better damn well dig the plank out of my eye before I go after someone else’s speck.⁷

Back to the head-shaving.

You know how, when a loved one has cancer, sometimes we shave our heads in solidarity?

Well, the world has a malignant cancer called misogyny, and I’m done accepting it as normal and inevitable. So I’m shaving my head so that when people ask why, I can tell them about misogyny being a cancer, and share my own process to root it out of myself, and ask them what they might do in their own journey.

There’s a whole liturgy to it, and I’ll share more specifics by and by.

For now, I want to invite you to be curious about the MALIGNANT MISOGYNY you find in your own thinking, and wonder with you how you might begin to work it into conversation so that others will be inspired to get curious also.

And, I want to invite you to the party, because not only am I shaving my head, but there’s this whole super spectacular community dance to go with it, because we all know joy is resistance. So, you’re enthusiastically invited to The ResistDANCE (online or in person), where we will share our collective outrage, grief, and intention for a waaaaaaay better world than we have now.

Call me optimistic (I’ll take it as a compliment), but I sincerely think we can do it.

Much love,

~Anni

1. That’s the first one. Here’s the second. Both incredible and not to be missed.

2. I’m speaking broadly here, and must mention that it’s not just women and girls who suffer in patriarchy. All vulnerable folks are at risk for abuse and exploitation—particularly trans, non-binary, gender-fluid, intersex, disabled . . . the list goes on and on and on. And also, men and boys suffer too, because patriarchy is bad for everyone. Celeste Davis explains this so thoroughly. Just promise me you’ll follow her and read every single thing she puts out these days.

3. Again, broad brushstrokes. I know men suffer sexual abuse far more than they should (which is 0% of the time, by the way), and I know women perpetuate it some of the time. I’m speaking in generalities to make a point, but do not wish to exclude people who have suffered. The bottom line is NO ONE, EVER, should experience sexual violence of any kind. Nor any violence, for that matter, but I’m getting ahead of myself. This TED Talk is already too long.

4. Start here. Then go here. Now here. Keep reading here. While you’re at it, read here.

5. Same with white supremacy, classism, ableism, and all other forms of hierarchical superiority.

6. I’m reading The Magdalene Revolution right now and I tell you, it is BRILLIANT and exactly what we need right this very moment.

7. Matthew 7:1-5